My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
