Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
