'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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