she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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