now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
