dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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