he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
