the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
