Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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