My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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