why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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