Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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