Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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