why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
