is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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