omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
honey bunches of taint.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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