Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
