The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize