Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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