I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
