As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
