Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
