let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize