no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
