Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
love makes seman taste better
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
