he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
