That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
