don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we made out on top of his cat.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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