I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
