Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize