I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
