Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize