isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
