Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
