I'm sorry my penis didn't work
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
