I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is Oprah even human
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
