if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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