Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Pants are for mortals
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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