so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
