Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Boobs are out for the taking
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
