Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
