Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize