She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
