there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
