Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
