Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
