Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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