she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize