I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
