He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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