I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
