I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
