So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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