did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
