we're blogging at a bar
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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