Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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