it wasn't lemon gatorade
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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