Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
