Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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