The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
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