I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
