So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Send help, water and tortillas.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
