my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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