Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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