i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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