i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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