It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
