Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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