my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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