hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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