why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
