you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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